Are lawyers really unpopular? A four year study

There is only one reason left to go before I reach number 101 in this blog.

Four years ago, I started this blog when a report was released concluding that judges enjoyed their work. Frankly, they could have fooled me. Now there is a study to suggest that lawyers in general are very happy with their job. However this was a UK study. Lawyers in the UK are known to be exceedingly happy whereas as you may be aware the rest of us can struggle.

I posted the next reason when I saw  lawyers in suits bravely fighting riot police in the streets of Islamabad, Pakistan. They were prepared to risk injury defending the independence of judges, even if an Economist report suggested that in another part of town, other Gucci clad lawyers cynically had photo ops in police vans.

After that, one reason followed another, intermittently. I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001 reasons.

I examined at length why lawyers and the law are still not fulfilling clients’ expectations.

I covered the general failings of some lawyers such as scruffiness and being dull based mainly on the observations of my own wife. I was soon looking back to when I started as a lawyer to explain that young lawyers can be a little bit full of themselves while conceding even the older ones are difficult to live with. I urged young lawyers to be more sensitive especially during the mandatory visit to the cells immediately after a client had received a prison sentence.

Complaints ranged from lawyers being too busy and ignoring clients to lawyers not being aggressive enough or even that they irritatingly tried to talk clients out of suing people rather than just getting on with it. But, basically it boiled down to the same 12 issues which have dogged lawyers for centuries, The Twelve.

By 2009 I had a strong suspicion that it was all the judges fault , although, I felt that legal receptionists needed to bear some, if not most of the responsibility for the supposed unpopularity of the profession.

I became convinced that many legal issues could have been avoided if clients could be directed away from situations which have so often have adverse legal and social consequences, such as:

• teaching their children to drive
• suing the wrong people
• disputes with mothers in law
• giving money away to anyone in their family
• admitting anything
• fighting the household cat
• leaving their spouse out of a will
• resisting their adult son’s attempts to put you in a home.

I suggested new forms of trial and innovative legal practice business models. I explained that procrastination by a lawyer was not just an inconvenience to their clients but to the other lawyer in the transaction.

In a desperate effort to try and keep the readers’ attention, I turned to sex -  obscenity, disgusting filth and my limited experience defending alleged Chinese brothel keepers in a tastefully written piece entitled “The Copper with the Golden Chopper”.

Also, I managed, as most lawyers do, to squeeze in a few of my own small successes such as my first appearance at the Old Bailey, my dispute with a lady over a car parking space and my fight with my own neighbour. I took the opportunity to defend my own record, yes one client did fall asleep when I was pleading for his liberty, but only once. 

I came to five conclusions:

• Certain classes of people had an irrational bias against lawyers, such as those married to them and I decided (quite some time ago) that their opinion should be ignored, or at least heavily discounted.
•  People generally liked their own lawyer – one man had four of them. Expressions such as clubbable and like an old Labrador were not uncommon.
• Everybody seemed to dislike other peoples’ lawyers, government lawyers, trainee lawyers and understandably law students.
• No one dared make a comment about legal receptionists or legal journalists.
• There was a strong dislike of in-house lawyers or anyone else receiving stock options mainly by private practice lawyers.

We lawyers are far more popular than we thought and it may be safe to encourage our own children to become lawyers, after all.

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# 97. They lack social skills

As subtle as a Judge

I was in a case in a state Supreme Court and half way through the morning the Judge asked “Will all those at the Bar Table join me for morning tea?”. It dawned on me, and the other Solicitors, that we were at the table behind the Bar Table and  the invitation was to the barristers in the case only.

In the 1970s, my brother, after time as a British expatriate tea taster in India and Ceylon, was posted to Melbourne.  On the first weekend he had been invited for drinks at a friend’s house in the country. He hailed a taxi and sat in the back. 

The taxi driver turned around and said to him “Well, you are an unsociable bastard, come up and sit in the front with me”. It is still not uncommon for Australian passengers to sit in the front seat of taxis.

                                      

Not understanding the local custom, my brother very reluctantly sat in the front  passenger seat. After a long silence the taxi driver asked “And where would you be going on a hot day like today?”. My brother felt that the driver was being a little over familiar but said  “Actually, I am going to friends for drinks” to which the taxi driver replied “Well, it is so hot, I think I’ll join you” and he did.

None of the Solicitors in our case, including me, seemed prepared  to tell the Judge that we would join him or accuse him of being unsociable and therefore we trooped down to the Canteen.

Recently, the Economist said that everything about Australia was wonderful except the politicians. However, if the truth be told it is not all beer and skittles in the courts, for instance, Australian Judges can be just as scary, insistent and occasionally, forgivably tactless as anywhere else.

(c) Paul Brennan is a business and property lawyer on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.  Both  "Deals and disputes".

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# 91. Property lawyers suck

Why Property lawyers suck

Property lawyers are a little like your mother; they wish you to find a home and live happily ever after but delight in pointing out flaws in the one that you have chosen. 

One trainee lawyer acting for a purchaser conducted his searches against the office address of the vendor's lawyer. His principal commented that this approach was far too cautious.

During my articles in the UK, it was the usual residential conveyancing practice for the purchasers' lawyer to make written Pre-Contract Enquiries about the property to which the answer usually was "No, but the purchasers should rely on their own enquiries".

I may have been a little over zealous in my questioning on one occasion and received the following responses to two of my Pre-Contract Enquiries:
Q. Has the house ever been burgled?
A. No, not unless it was the perfect crime.
Q. How often do you inspect the plumbing?
A. At least once per day and more often during the winter.

Recently, I asked an audience of about 25 business owners two questions:

• Who has experienced legal issues in property transactions? 
• 
  
• Was I acting for you at the time? 

Five people put their hand up to the first question and none to the second.  A small survey but instructive.

(c) Paul Brennan is a business and property lawyer on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.  Both  "Deals and disputes".

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# 90.They can be deadly

Death of a solicitor

Many people ask me what is the difference between a barrister and a solicitor.  Well, they are both lawyers but the main difference, in my view is that only one practicing solicitor has ever been executed. 

Rather than turning on his own clients as some would expect, he attempted to poison another solicitor in a conveyancing matter which had turned sour.  His first attempt was to invite the solicitor to tea; scones laced with arsenic.  The other solicitor became ill, but survived. He then sent chocolates which caused a family member of the other solicitor to be sick, but she survived too.  Numerous further invitations to tea followed which the other solicitor understandably avoided. 

The solicitor’s undoing was that he was buying increasing quantities of arsenic from the local chemist who was the father in law of the other solicitor.  The matter was reported to the police who during their enquiries dug up the solicitor’s deceased wife and found an unusually high concentration of arsenic in the body.  He was charged with murder. He claimed he was devoted to his wife but police investigations revealed that although she was described in the local press as popular very few people attended her funeral.  They concluded that she was domineering and often acted in a crazed manner but this was no lawful excuse for murder (husbands please note).

The solicitor continued to maintain that the arsenic was for his dandelions until his execution in 1922.  Since then the Dandelion Defence has lost popularity especially among devoted husbands.

(c) Paul Brennan.  All rights reserved.

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# 89 They make poor spouses

Intestacy - the dead end

Dear John

My elderly cousin is dying and it looks as if I am the closest relative. He will not make a will as he hates lawyers-he used to be married to one. But he says that he wants me to inherit. He is worth a few bob and his property is in various states and countries.

DT. Sydney

Dear DT

Clearly, your cousin has been traumatised by his choice of spouse. This is not uncommon.

There is a certain pecking order where the deceased does not leave a will. It starts off with spouses and children, then often parents, brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews and finally government coffers. But, it is a list, like a shopping list and if you are not on the list however deserving your claim may be in your view, you lose out. 

What happens if you are illegitimate? Whereas illegitimate children are usually quite acceptable these days, illegitimate cousins are unlikely to make the list.

Some countries or states may not recognize the right of a cousin to be in the pecking order, at all. This could mean that you would not inherit property located in that state or country.

Therefore, it is important that you research where the assets are located and encourage your cousin to sell any inconveniently located assets.  Your lawyer can help you with this paperwork.

It may be necessary to relocate your cousin to a more convenient jurisdiction which fully recognises your claim.  If he is awkward and dying rich relatives can often be particularly miserable, it is best to leave the transfer to the last minute in order to minimise any unpleasant scenes. 

What happens if he dies in transit?  Well, it depends if anybody notices.

J.F

(c) Paul Brennan 2010.  Extract from John Fytit’s International Legal Problem Page. Now written on this blog.

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# 80. They cost money

When you should speak to your lawyer?

A good gauge of when you are ready to speak to a lawyer about a legal issue or dispute is that you are awake at 3 in the morning thinking about it.

I know you will say it is alright for people like me who are married to lawyers.  However, we have done the hard yards.  Besides, anyone who has been married to a young lawyer will know they can be very grouchy if they are woken up at 3am.  Although, admittedly we older lawyers are usually just flattered by the attention.

If you are concerned about the money that a lawyer may charge you, I suggest that you plan ahead.  The next time you decide to change your spouse or partner, (for some of you the decision may be thrust upon you), consider choosing a lawyer as a replacement, believe me they are not all bad.  Even if it only lasts a few months he or she will be able to help with your divorce and or property settlement which can be a big saving.

(c) Paul Brennan 2010  practices on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. 

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# 68. On occasion, they could put more effort into revenge

The Charge of the 300 and the 47 Samurai

Last year, when a legal software vendor increased its fees to Queensland lawyers by 300% I expected

an explosive reaction*.   Apart from some lawyers refusing to pay and an impending Law Society report on technology which is a happy coincidence, nothing much has happened.  In fact, another software vendor is, in effect, increasing its fees. 

What did I expect?  Well, something a little more creative.  For instance, in 18th century Japan under severe provocation, a Lord Asano attacked and wounded a Lord Kira.  As the attack took place within the walls of the Shogun’s palace he was ordered to commit suicide, which he promptly did.  His lands were confiscated and his Samurai retainers disbanded. Lord Kira expected an immediate backlash from the Samurai retainers, but none came.

The disbanded Samurai retainers lost their Samurai status and became Ronin. They took up menial tasks; their former Captain left his wife, became a public drunkard and frequented brothels.

Eight months later, 47 Ronin, led by the Captain, attacked Lord Kira’s mansion and finding Lord Kira in the toilet cut him to bits and put his head in a bucket.  They then killed all his staff. The 47 Samurai had only been pretending, or that was the Captain’s story, anyway. They then turned themselves in, pleaded guilty and were sentenced to commit suicide, which they did.

As touchy as Queensland lawyers can be, I am not sure that they would go that far, especially the bit about turning themselves in and pleading guilty.  

All in all, I am a little disappointed.  However, on a positive note, the software vendor gave me free probate software which may come in very handy, in the event that Queensland lawyers change their minds and opt for mass reprisals, after all.

(c) Paul Brennan 2009. 
* see Reason 49 

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