Legal cartoons and humorous comment (c) Paul Brennan. All rights reserved.

I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001.
Paul Brennan, Lawyer, Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daughter. Show all posts

Father of the Bride Speech

"Despite it being unusual for anyone to throw anything and the only requirement is to get through it without being embarrassing the Father of the Bride Speech is tough. If you have a daughter my advice is to start preparing now or at least before you stand up”   Paul Brennan


FATHER OF THE BRIDE SPEECH
MARRIAGE OF ALICE AND BEN CRANNEY
SYDNEY, 12 APRIL 2014
The stress, the expense, the worry, the upset, the tears…and that was only the engagement party.
WELCOME TO THE GUESTS
Welcome to you all, especially our overseas guests or blow ins as you are affectionately known. Ben’s family have so many friends and our family so few, but our friends are prepared to travel a long way. Of course, that is because they have no friends either.
Those of you who have not been to Australia before may have preconceived notions about Australians. Apart from the Queensland contingent, these are refined Australians. For instance, the booze ran out half way through the engagement party but the sherry went first.
ABOUT BEN’S WORK
Welcome to Ben’s colleagues from the NSW government. After being the butt of so many jokes over the years, a table of government employees is a welcome relief to all the lawyers in the room. When Ben first joined the NSW Government, they saw a need in him that no one had seen before - Tai Chi training. It may have been part of the NSW Government induction program. Alice says that when he got home from the first lesson it took him 5 minutes to open the fridge.
ABOUT ALICE
We have always said that we loved our four children equally. We lied. Alice is the no. 1 child. She was always there to strap on her sister’s Wiggles tail, which for many years was a daily occurrence. She introduced her own library system into the house, issuing each of us with library cards and causing us to queue by the door to have our books stamped in and out.
HOW ALICE MET BEN
Ben and Alice met in a gym. Thirty years ago, to meet a girl you had to trawl pubs, discos, and parties. Frankly, it was difficult to find a sober one. A pick up line would be - step away from the bar, ma ’me. So if you have wondered about your parents that may be the missing piece of the jigsaw.
That leads me Ben, to tell you how I met your mother-in-law. It was midnight at a New Year’s Eve Party. We kissed. I was beneath the mistletoe with another attendee when I felt someone fiddling with my trousers. I looked down, and it was Diane. As we had kissed, her woollen dress has become entangled in my fly, and as I had moved away, a woollen strand had stretched out across the room. Of course, when that sort of thing happened in those days you had to get married.
THE COURTSHIP
Dating is different. Thirty years ago, we would try to take our girlfriends somewhere nice.
Where did Ben take Alice? Up a volcano. At the top of the volcano, Alice twisted her ankle. Ben picked her up in his strong arms and carried her all the way down. After 25 years of marriage if you are up a volcano with your wife in your arms, you are up to no good.
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
Ben, I am sure you have noticed by now that there is something different about your new mother-in-law…..She has a sense of humour. Every married man here will tell you that is very unusual. For example, our family went to see the movie, the Titanic. Being Hong Kong, at the end of the movie everyone surged for the exit. I heard your mother-in-law shout, “Women and children first”. It was one of the only times that an audience left the Titanic laughing their heads off.
ABOUT YOUR SON-IN-LAW
Diane, your new son-in-law thinks before he says something. Ask any mother-in-law in the room, and they will tell you that is very rare.
ADVICE ON MARRIAGE
Alice and Ben, there are many people in this room sharing your journey. Above all Ben’s grandparents, celebrating 56 years of marriage. Do you know what you get for 56 years? Titanium. A titanium hip. It is something you will always have. You are not going to leave it in the back of a taxi after a drunken night out.
Married life gains subtlety over the years. Alice, when you make a sandwich for Ben, you make it with love, and he knows that as your kitchen top looks like a branch of Subway. After 30 years of marriage, it is different. For instance, the other day your mother said to me, “Do you want this or shall I give it to the dog?” I thought, I know what you mean baby. You mean that you love me more than that there dog.

TOAST
No volcano high enough.


EXTRACT FROM SPEECH OF PAUL BRENNAN GIVEN AT THE WEDDING OF HIS ELDEST DAUGHTER 

Sponsored by Brennans Solicitors
 

# 101 They cannot relate to children


“To present to your peers is stressful but to present to your teenage daughter’s peers is up there with death and moving house”   Paul Brennan

SPEECH TO THE CLASS OF 2011, VALEDICTORY DINNER,
IMMANUEL LUTHERAN COLLEGE
                                                                               
Commercial Lawyer's MugA teacher wrote in my Annual School Report, “Lazy, talkative and notable”. I thought “notable” did not sound too bad until I realized it was “not able”. They were the days before parent rage stalked school halls and teachers would give their unrestrained opinions. Today, they give students like me a more subtly insulting “You must be very proud of him”.
Some people say that teachers do not have a sense of humour.  I do not know where they would get that impression. In fact, all teachers and school staff have a wonderful sense of humour, they just can’t let students and us parents in on it. For instance, you cannot find the books you look for in the library, the librarians have convinced you that it is your fault as you do not understand the Dewey Decimal system.  In fact, there is no Dewey Decimal system . The Head Librarian, Mr Smith comes in every night and moves the books around. He thinks it is funny. 
To be a student with a passion for practical jokes may feel pretty good but to be Head of Senior School with a passion for practical jokes is out of sight. Now there is something to aim for.
Never, never, never lose your sense of humour. Your parents and teachers will tell you that there are many days in life when you will need it.  There is one coming up very soon.  The day your final examination results arrive. Before your parents launch into their usual tirade, having for your entire life brushed over their own school academic record, as I have done. Remind them that many of our greatest Australians did not get a good final exam result  either.  For instance, Ned Kelly, Mr Squiggle, Dorothy the Dinosaur. In fact, watching question time in our Parliament, it is clear that the country is being run by C students. This may seem wrong to you students but believe me it will give your parents great comfort and is the only thing keeping some of your teachers going, it gives them hope.
In a moment, I am going to ask all to stand as I wish to propose a toast to the teachers and staff of this the greatest school on the Sunshine Coast and I am not saying that because you lot are leaving. The toast shall be the words of Tina Turner “simply the best”. 
Paul Brennan
Sunshine Coast, Queensland, 18 November 2011

(c) Paul Brennan a lawyer practicing on Queensland's Sunshine Coast